February 2012 in Words

(wrote this several weeks ago, but never posted it...)

February 2012 began with lots of anticipation.  Lots of exciting things to come.

I spent the first weekend with 3 friends I've had since childhood.  What a rich weekend.

The next weekend Jeremy, the kids and I left for Ohio.  The plan was to relax at my aunt and uncles house where my parents were also visiting for the weekend.  We would then move on with mom and dad to a pastor's conference 2 days later.

Plans don't always turn out as planned.

Sunday night. I remember the call.  It's the kind where you hear half of the conversation.  Joyce said hello.  Silence.  She sat down.  Her head in her hands.  Everything seems to stop.

Grandpa, mom's dad, has had a severe bleeding stroke.  We're 7 1/2 hours away.  We feel helpless.

Waiting.  Suddenly our weeks plans are unstable.  Should we jump in a car and head back to PA?  Should we go on to the conference and hope grandpa lives or be ok if we don't get to say goodbye?

Sleep.  It seems unreal to try to go to sleep when someone you love is fighting for their lives.  We expected to wake up on Monday morning and get the news that grandpa had died.  However, the next morning we hear he has stabilized.   They still do not expect him to live long.

New plan.  We decide to all go back to PA.  Somehow sitting in a conference just doesn't seem like the thing to do.

7 1/2 hours back home just two days after we had left expecting to be away for 6 days.  We drive straight to the hospital.

5th floor.  How ironic.  We get off the elevator and I realize that if we walk straight ahead we enter the wing of the hospital where our 3 children were born.  Life.  We turn left instead.

I tell Grandpa goodbye and that I'm proud of him.  I'm jealous he'll get to see Jesus before me.  I tell him I think it's great that he gets to meet Howard and Vestal and Jake and Anthony and George and Glenn.  He seems to try to smile.  Maybe it's nothing.  I'll remember it as a last connection with Grandpa-.

Waiting.  How long will this go on for?  We start to hear words like Hospice and home.  On Wednesday Grandpa is moved home.  I stand in grandma's kitchen and talk.  Just like normal, but totally different and wrong.

How long?  Some say it could be weeks. I woke up early Friday morning.  It feels like spring.  How long Lord?  It seems to be the first thing into my thoughts each morning.  I hear a bird chirp.  I picture Grandma and Grandpa's house on an early spring morning.  Always birds.  Always such a sweet safe place.  How long?

6:40 -Mom calls to tell me Grandpa's not doing very well.  She was going to come over to see the kids for awhile this morning, but thinks she should just stay with Grandpa.  6:50 -Mom calls.  Grandpa's gone.  So soon?!  Jeremy leaves to be with the family and help to plan the funeral.  This seems odd and yet right.  Pastor and family.  How does this work?

Relief.  It's over.  Sadness.  I don't mourn for Grandpa.  I will miss him for sure.  My heart hurts more for me, but mostly for Grandma.  How do you live with someone for almost 62 years and then suddenly be alone?  Will these tears ever stop?

Family is such a blessing.  Brandon flew in from Oregon.  So good to see him, so sad too.  Other cousins traveled too.  The whole week has been a gathering of family.  Grandpa was a rich man.

Monday night is the viewing.  I'm holding it together until I walk into the funeral home.  What am I doing here!  It's a brief moment of panic, but it passes.  It's ok.  He's not here.  What a peace.

Tuesday morning.  Jeremy leaves early to prepare for the service.  I take Callie and Nate to Angela's.  Isaiah goes with me to the funeral.  What a celebration.  It's OK.  He's not here. I grieve for us, for Grandma, but not for Grandpa.

Graveside.  I've dreaded this moment all day.  I'm afraid if there's ever a moment where I'll just completely loose it it will be now.  But it's OK.  He's not here.  Peace.

We spent the rest of that day and the next with my family.  We missed Cindy, Anna, Adam and Ashton.  We're sad, but life has to go on.  Grandma came for supper that night.  It feels so wrong to see her without Grandpa, but she seemed ok.

February 2012 you say?  I remember it well.  I would sum up that month with one word "LOSS".  However, if I've learned one thing from this month it's that there is a God that loves me and nothing happens to me that hasn't passed through His hand.  How can there ever be peace when everything seems to be such a big mess?  And yet there is peace.  And there are new mornings and sunshine and birds and snow and a good cup of coffee and a 6 year old's humor and a 4 year old's wonder and a 2 year old singing and dancing on the coffee table.  And there's family and friends that care and a husband that sticks it out with me through the pain and the ugly and the laughter and frustration.  There's a God that gives and  takes away.  And it's ok.

Catching Up

I'm feeling the need to blog, but feeling so far behind on blogging that I don't want to blog because I don't have time to upload pictures.  So instead of lovely pictures I shall just see what comes out.

-Snow: we finally got some snow yesterday.  The first since Oct. 31.  We were all out in it for awhile, but it was not good packing snow so nothing was made.
-School: Isaiah is enjoying school.  The largest problem right now seems to be keeping him challenged.  It's so much fun to see him actually reading.  He does not enjoy the writing part. Any suggestions?  Jeremy tells me he hated writing also.
-Callie: she's into everything.  She's ruined one of her dresses and one of my sweatshirts with my lipstick.  That stuff doesn't come out!  On Friday night we had some friends here and I thought Callie was watching a movie. When I finally checked in I found her with a tub of chapstick.  However it was just the tub, the chapstick was gone.  It was all over her face and hands.  Hopefully not inside her, but I guess we'll never know.
-Piano Lessons: I am enjoying teaching piano lessons again this year.  I only have four students, but with the rst of life going on, I don't think I could handle much more.  I love seeing them "get it" and watching them learn to enjoy playing.  Now if I could just find time to teach my own kids!
-January has not been too busy.  It's been nice.  I've tackled a few areas in the house that needed some attention.  One section of counter in the kitchen had become a good place to pile things that didn't have a home.  I was so sick of it.  I was almost scared to clean it off fearing that stuff would pile up again.  So far it's still clean and it feels good.
-February looks busy, but good.  Hopefully the business will bring on the spring quickly!
-This has go to be one of the most boring posts ever.

2011 Goal

I love new beginnings.  I love new starts.  I'm a Monday morning dieter.  I love to dream about plans and the way I'm going to succeed at something.  Only problem is that I'm not real good at walking out my starts and dreams.


A friend told me awhile ago that someone told her (in regards to people trying to loose weight) "Don't tell me you're going to loose the weight, just do it!"  That stuck with me.  Probably because I am good at big talk.  One of the things that bugs me most about myself is my ablitly to say I'm going to do something, but my lack of ability  drive or disciple to walk out my great plans.


Last January God was convicting me of my time management.  I complain a lot about not having the time to do what I want to do.  He brought to mind things like, facebook, a zillion friends blogs, a good book, movies ect.  He wasn't telling me to delete those things from my life, just reminding me that I had time for them.


Back way up to 1998 when my brother gave me a One Year Bible for Christmas.  Something I had requested for Christmas.  I jumped right in and started reading.  So impressed that I was actually going to read through the Bible and dreaming of how it would feel to finish it.  And may I add probably proud of myself for being so spiritual and all.  Well come long July and all my great intentions weren't enough and I just gave up.  


Fast forward to 2011.  God was speaking to me about my time.  I had used the excuse in the past that I am a young mother with small children and making time to read through the Bible was just too much for me at this stage.  I thought that was a pretty good excuse.  Then He quietly reminded me ...facebook, blogs, foodnetwork.com and on and on...


So on January 7, 2011, my 33 birthday, I took the dive again.  This time however not many people knew I was attempting to read through the Bible.  I told a few friends how were also reading through the Bible.  


Yesterday, January 6, 2012 I read the last words.  I was sitting on the couch in my lovely soft red bath robe (a gift from my husband -I should do a whole post on that thing!) I read the last words.  I stopped, I waited, half expecting a group of Heavenly beings to fill my living room with thunderous applause and tell me what a wonderfully deep, spiritual woman I had become in the last year. (ok, not really, but doesn't that sound nice?) Nope, nothing happened.  However it did feel good to know that I had actually accomplished something that I set out to do.


Here are a few thoughts on reading through the Bible in a year:


Pros:
1. God's word is living and active and does not return empty. Even though I was often a day or a month behind in my reading I was amazed at how the Word would still speak to what I was dealing with that exact day.  
2. I like to get up before the rest of my family, at least the kids, and have my quiet time.  I found that while reading through the Bible it was easier to get up because I knew exactly what I was going to do as soon as I got up.  Well, right after turning on the coffee pot.  
3. There are some crazy, amazing stories in the Bible that I had forgotten about or maybe never knew where in there. 
4. Many more that I can't think of right now 


Cons:
1.  Reading through the Bible in a year is a goal, but it comes with a time limit.  There were days when I would read something and wondered what it meant but because of trying to push though I didn't take the time to look deeper.
2.  Along the same lines, there were times when the Holy Spirit really spoke to me, but again I didn't always take the time to journal.  Both of these could have been taken care of if I had given myself more time in the day...
3.  I hate to admit this, but there were days when I got to the end and I couldn't remember what I had read. 




Now What:  Any suggestions?  I've decided not to read though again this year, but I still want to keep reading and I also want to read some good "meat" books.  I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed at the options.

Sleeping

One of the best parts of my days is checking on the kids after they are sleeping.  Here are a few pictures of Callie napping.  Notice her Bear in both pictures.  She loves him.

 Sleeping on a pillow -mommy's way of trying to help her get over a nasty cough.

I don't know if you can see it real well, but her fingers are holding the ribbon that wraps around the bears neck.  She loves to play with this ribbon while she's falling asleep.  Lately it's been coming untied.  She looks at it and sadly says "broke" so I'll retie it for her.  It's starting to look very worn.  She loves her bear, but lately she's also been asking for Baby (the doll on the left).  Of course she also begs for the baby's nuk also -if I can find it! 

Callie's Brithday

On December 8 Callie Noel turned 2.  My baby is 2.  She has brought a new meaning to the words, love, bond, protect, nurture, and yes even spoil.  This child is very loved.  She still gets called "Baby" on a regular basis by her parents and her brothers.  "Honey" is Nate's favorite nickname for her.  At least when he's happy with her.  She is a typical 2 year old and a typical girl.  She loves to change clothes.  She loves her baby.  She loves her brothers and she loves her Daddy.  Oh yeah, and I think she loves me too. :)  She loves to help in the kitchen.  Sometimes it's more help than I need, but I really want her to love the kitchen so I'm trying to be patient.  Yes, she still loves her nuk. Sigh...what to do.  She's only 2.  

Her birthday was on a Thursday so we pushed her party back to Friday.  Jeremy, his dad and his brother had been working on our roof.  Replacing it.  It was a big job.  The Friday morning of the party the electrical company had to come turn our power off.  No problem.  I can handle a few hours with no power and no heat.  Well, someone somewhere must have taken the day off because when it came time to turn it back on, around noon, we started calling to have it turned back on.  As instructed by the guy that turned it off.  On and on we waited and waited and called and called.  Finally at 5:30 we decided to just move the party to my aunt and uncle's house across the street. What a blessing to have them so close!  God gave a lot of grace to me that day and I'm happy to say I handeled it pretty well.  My uncle's house is much better and so in the end it was probably more relaxing than if it had been at our house.  The power was finally turned on around 7:30.  We were very thankful for a warm house and lights that night!

On to the pictures...

A girl and her baby...

Thanks to the flash on my camera you can't tell that they are sitting in the dark except for a  kerosene lamp.  I told them it was just like Laura and Mary.  Well, just like them except for the MP3 player Isaiah is holding while listening to Odyssey. 

The cake.  This was one of the easiest cakes I've ever decorated.  I actually had fun doing it.  The doll is  one of those Snap 'n  Style dolls.  Click to see a picture.  I liked this look better than using a Barbie doll.  These dolls have huge feet though so I had to cut a bigger hold and then stuff cake in around the doll.  

A kiss for the doll

A gift from Great-Grandma

Callie was so excited to have her cousin Natalie at the party.  Pictures of these two together are not easy to get.  I love this one. 

And I really love this one! 

Callie loves this littlest cousin of hers -Baby Brielle.  A real live doll for sure.

Happy birthday sweet Callie! 

Pictures

My friend Ruth told me the pictures from Isaiah's party didn't show up.  I don't know what happened, but I've added them again and I think it's working now.  (thanks Ruth! :))  I'll have Callie's party pictures up soon...

Advent

I wanted to do some kind of Advent calender with the kids this year, but was not able to find much -at least not without spending a lot of money or spending hours making one.  I didn't start my search early.  Of course.

Last week we received Focus on the Family's "Thriving Family" magazine.  I love this magazine.  There are lots of helpful parenting/marriage tips in each issue.  So imagine my delight when I found an advent calender in this months magazine.  We received this issue a few days late so we are a little behind, but we'll catch up hopefully. Each day there is scripture reading and an activity you can do with your kids.  If you have more time there are added things -like free Adventures in Odyssey episodes, crafts, games and more.

They offer a digital calender here:  Thriving Family's Advent Calender  Check it out!